Ask A Texan: Why do Texans get off on being from Texas?

HAY LADIES!

[Ed. note: please welcome Austinite, crafter and design maven Allison to “Ask A Texan.” As a multi-generation Texan, we feel she is more than qualified to answer this question. If you think she got it wrong–or right–let us know in the comments!]

Dear Ask A Texan,

Why do people from Texas seem to really, really, really get off on being from Texas? I get pride in your homeland. And, I also sympathize with the need to maintain a sense of rootedness in the increasingly free-floating postmodern existential vacuum that modern life has become. However, I’ve never seen this intensity of xenophobia/nationalism on the state level. We see it nationally all the time. But Texas is unique in this regard among the 50 states. You rarely see someone, for example, refer to themselves as a “Proud Massachusettan.” Quick story: at a BBQ once, we saw a plaque on the hosts’ living…

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Ma’apinsinuo

The old man could be seen hunched over a blue flicker in an alleyway, if you looked close enough. He was shaking. The Reaper had passed so close, but luckily, his sights were trained on someone else. The old man felt bad for that child, and felt the loss, for his own reasons. All he could do now was focus on the girl, help the girl, and teach the girl. He had accumulated much knowledge in his unnaturally extended life. He needed someone to pass it on to once he left this plane of existence. He needed someone to continue his fight.


The girl in question was, at the moment, bombing a math test. Her mind was on other things, and they were not in the slightest bit normal. She pondered her encounter with the man. It was many months ago, and yet she couldn’t shake the notion that he was still out there, watching her. She shuddered. It was a creepy thought. How was he able to conjure such otherworldly creatures like the wyrm he had with him that night? How dare he suggest they had something in common? Would he have poisoned her if he hadn’t gotten distracted? Would she still be alive if she hadn’t escaped?

The bell rang, and the girl was forced to hand in her math test, only half filled in. Her teacher raised his eyebrows. Honestly, what were kids getting up to these days? She had deep bags under her eyes, and she walked as if she hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in weeks.

“Sorry, Mr. Smith. I guess I wasn’t so focused today.”

The girl then walked out of the classroom, on her way to another day of lunch in the library. Mr. Smith watched her go, and finally moved his eyes down to his desk, where he had tests to grade. He shrugged his shoulders, and pushed his worries of the girl into the back of his mind, where other things not mentioned resided, like the uncommon occurrence of a half dressed clown putting makeup on in the mirror of his chevy. He preferred not to reflect on these things.


The Reaper stepped off his peryton. The giant creature grunted and shook his giant mass of pointed antlers. The Reaper tapped his bejeweled clasp, and the peryton shimmered out of the air. This done, the Reaper pulled off the hood of his cloak.

Stark white hair spilled in front of his pale face. His eyes remained in shadow, but if one could see them, one would be shocked by the lack of pigment. Looking out of a window, the Reaper tried to decide what he was going to do with the boy. Should he kill him? No, the Reaper thought. He might become valuable later. As a fighter, or maybe a bargaining piece. After all… phoenixi are some of the most volatile ma’apinsinuo.

Y’all, I’m just curious. Answer accordingly. If you’re family, don’t answer

School

I’m not even gonna call this a random writing.  I guess it technically is… but whatever.

School starts in 4 days, and I’m not ready for summer to be over yet.

I guess I’ll be able to enjoy the relaxed first week… and seeing my friends again… and the bizarre things us middle-schoolers start to talk about… and the novelty of being a seventh grader… (Yow… that’s hard to believe.  I still feel like a small sixth grader…)

But I’ll get lots of homework.  And I’m sure that Algebra is gonna have me either put to sleep, because my brain doesn’t want to think about it, or up all night, because I have to think about it, because homework.  Ugh.  Not ready for that.  Oh man, don’t y’all remember the good ol’ days when all we had to do was a small book report on this or that?  Good times…

And then there’s projects.  I know I won’t fail, that I’ll figure it out… but that doesn’t make it any less stressful.

And, of course, P.E.  Relatively not that bad, but there’s something to be said for not doing the FitnessGram tests.  Or dancing to Just Dance videos on YouTube.  Or being sent outside to run the track over and over again.

 

But sometimes it’s worth it to go to school.  I mean, sometimes there are field trips.  Or movies.  Last year, we watched the Polar ExpressMoanaHidden Figures, and Boss Baby in math class.  And then there are subs.  The awesome subs—like, one time, I got a World Cultures sub who sat us down, and then talked about college football and student loans.  Sometimes a student would say something, but we literally just spent an hour and forty-five minutes doing nothing.  It was great.  And it was at the end of the day so everyone could just sit back and relax.

Then there are the okay-but-not-the-greatest-sub-ever subs.   Last year I got another World Cultures sub who was like, “Okay, who wants Pringles?”  Every hand shot up.  The sub walked around the room and gave each anticipating child one pringle.  Only one.  I’m not sure–and I can’t say this for everybody–what I was expecting, but one pringle sure wasn’t it.  Still, though, one takes a pringle when one can.

 

Well… at least I got all my summer homework done.  (Yes, my school gave out summer homework.  I… it… I… sighhh)  Anyway, that’s something, and it’s not like I have a choice to go to school, so I guess I’ll just have to make the best of it.

Movie A Series of Haikus

In fifteen minutes

Only fifteen minutes more…

Fifteen too many


I’m watching ads, pics…

Kinda boring, tbh

Oh well… I will deal.


I wish I’d brought cards.

Alas, I left them at home.

Could’ve played “Go Fish”.


Instead, I write these.

Haikus inspired from bored.

(That phrasing is weird).


Running out of stuff.

Warning: subject matter low.

I hope it starts soon.


Just four minutes left.

And counting, of course. (tick, tock)

And now only two.


It is almost time.

This waiting is killing me.

JK. I’m (near) fine.

Tylerian, house of Tryan.

My name is Tylerian, and I am an alv.  Not an elv.  Not an elf.  An alv.

 

I have been told that you humans aren’t familiar with the term.  An alv is a humanoid creature whose most distinguishing features are long, pointed ears, and big, amber eyes.  Alves average about 7’4″, fully grown and in their prime.

Elves are humanoid as well, and also have pointed ears, but they are shorter, and more majykal.  They can create such majyk that elfs and alves cannot.  Alves can make basic majyk, like healing lacerations, but if the lacerations were created by a basilisk, or some other type of enchanted weapon/creature, then we would be out of luck.


Figuratively, of course.  There have only been a few alves in the past eras who have run out of luck.


Elfs are the least dignified of our brethren.  They are small, pudgy, and spend most of their time hibernating.  When they do get up, they make widgets and junk to give to you humans under the supervision of the biggest and happiest of them all– Saint Claus.  This, of course, all happens during the winter.  And then, in the middle of winter, Saint Claus gets all riled up and decides to go on a gift run.


I think he might be high, or mentally impaired in some sort.  You humans have a song called “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer”, I believe?  Yes?  Yeah, that actually happened.  Someone called in a few elves for cleanup, but they didn’t get there in time and… you know the rest.


 

There.  I hope that cleared things up.  If not… try to just avoid trying to classify by species.   Trust me when I say you really, really don’t want to call an alv an elf.

 

Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse… A Random Writing

The shambling figure approached the little girl, eyes devoid of life.  The pupils were somewhere in the back of its head.  Its clothes were in shambles.  It bled from a head wound, and multiple chest injuries, yet it kept moving.

Somehow the little girl had gotten ahold of a gun.  With shaking little arms, she fired away, her pigtails dancing as she literally shook in fear.

Blam, blam, blam!

The figure seized up as each bullet found its mark, but nonetheless kept moving on, towards the little girl.

She hid in doorways, locked gates, kept shooting… it didn’t matter.

She was close to tears.

She tripped… and fell.

The figure was soon upon her.

In what she thought was her last breath, she cried, “Go away!” snf, whimper, “You’re mean!”

The figure stopped, drool dripping onto the girl’s face.  All of a sudden, it burst into tears, and got up.  The last time the little girl saw the figure, it was shuffle-running away, weeping.


 

 

Thanks, guys, for showing up again at my Random Writing.  I just, truth be told, reenacted this with my sister… and, heh, I think you can guess which person was the zombie.

Yeah… So, she played a part in this as well.

I think you know the drill.  My next Random Writing will be at a random time, about a random thing, but not on a random site.

That would be weird.

 

How would I even do that?

 

Yeah.  It’ll be on Sphnx Stories, and I hope that you will come back and read it!